Drowning in Blue

Every once in a while in our house here in Bulacan, I drop by the garden to check the fishes and overfeed them. My sister tells me not to feed since she already feeds them and my mom also feeds them and now I feed them. I love them fishes. They get overfed so much that there are so many of them now healthy and big fishes. I don't really

know if all of these fishes are overfed, some of them seem to not like the fish food I give them; I guess there are those types of fishes which prefer a different kind of bait before they take a bite…

Okay awesome, this makes me realize that among the fishes in the oceans, there exists a niche of them which does not bite every bait that presents itself in front of their faces.

In a typical afternoon in the middle of my fish feeding program, I saw a flock of ants above a white speckled heart shaped green palm leaf over the water where the fishes are... and it was really cute, I must say! Ahuhh!

I see these ants working to build their community, minding their own business, each one working like a certain part of a machine automatically having knowledge of which role to play. The more and more one shall observe the idea behind their system, the more and more I remember why simple things are often that which are forgotten...

I don't know which phrase exactly but its something that involves simplicity, guts, determination, oh something, simple adjectives which I just cannot remember right now. Ants, great for some reason, I bet we humans will be extinct if they are not around,

Google tells me that we won’t exist without mosquitoes so I guess its pretty much the same idea with ants… so what do you think? But hey this is another story...

So again I continued to feed my fishes... It was really strange that on that 36.8ºC afternoon in Bulacan, a gusting wind suddenly passed by, which made me close my eyes from the dust it carried and trembled the leaves of the palm tree, rattling the community of ants. Perhaps the way that specific leaf responded when the wind trembled it, was a crucial cause as to why the shake was extraordinarily strong. With the strongest grip, every single ant on the palm leaf held on until one found himself with a last clear moment of glimpse of his folks as he now plunges towards into the drowning water below with the fishes...

Let's call this ant Jack.

Like a sheet of glass hitting water from high altitude, it sends Jack’s fragile body plunging well below unto the water, shocking him up to the most miniature corner of his limbs, and making him close his eyes and hope that he will resurface immediately…

As much as he could, Jack struggled to stay composed, acting as if he's on land, learning how to be afloat, learning how to swim though water was inward bound towards his lungs... He struggled to swim and attempted to budge closer unto a nearby floating bit of dried bamboo leaf a few inches away from him.

With his frailed body, Jack demonstrated resilience to maintain his guts and strength of mind to save himself from drowning... but the sharks from below are generating husky water currents that it propels Jack plummeting well below deep unto the water and strongly throwing him into a whirlpool of painful elements he would not want to be in. Clearly, the sharks are not making Jack’s already horrific situation… any better.

In a sudden series of events, Jack supposed that fate could be on his side when a blue and a yellow fish unexpectedly came rushing towards him…

Blue & Yellow Fishes : Hey, what are you doing here?

Jack: Out of nowhere, a strong wind came in and shook our highway and I suddenly fell here.

Blue & Yellow Fishes : Oh, you mean over above over up there? We see your folks... Oh.. You should scream for help! Scream scream as loud as you want so they can see you!

... Jack paused himself for
silence, still groping on for his life and said...

Jack : Well, what good would that
do?

Blue & Yellow Fishes : Well they can see you, for sure they can save you from this, they can do something we are sure!

Jack : They can't swim as well, they will just be putting their lives in danger. I don't want that to happen. They can't do anything about this as well… And look it still so windy…

… the Blue & Yellow Fishes gazes unto how the community above firmly gripped unto the corners and stomatal openings of a trembling heart shaped palm leaf. The world where Jack once set his foot on and wishes to set his foot on again…

Jack : Okay listen… I'm struggling to get out... Letting them see me like this, drowning, well what do you think will make them feel? Maybe you have a better idea... maybe you're the one who should be helping me since this is your element... by the way.. I'm Jack

Blue & Yellow Fishes : Oh okay... Help? We don't know anything about helping... oh we need to go now by the way we are the Bad Idea Fishes... Bub-bye!

With every second mixed with critical efforts, Jack found it trickier to breath as he held on to his life, with a deteriorating desire to set foot on the same world he once stood on, but with a stronger desperation for grasping the consolation of resurfacing on dry land…

With his last moments of being aware, spinning through a series of strong currents, Jack cried and unreserved his last thoughts...

“It’s not romantic here swimming in my own tears… lonely and alone, I just want to get out if here, God… why make this so difficult and what is up with the feeling… how do I solve this? Is there an adjective that I forgot? What am I supposed to feel to translate everything into a smile? Though drowning in blue, I do know that I need to stay strong, really strong, strong enough… Fine… so if these were to be my last moments here in this place, I will just imagine the memories that will convert this into a
grin… oh, that’s not a cool idea, it will just drown me more... it puts more water to my body through my mouth… ohhh... What... what did I do wrong…”

And dazed as he was on how the events took place... Jack eventually lost consciousness and rapidly drifted away unto the murky waters where not even his slightest silhouette can be seen by his folks.

Back in Jack’s town, his folks had no clue as to what had happened to him, nobody noticed even in the weeks that passed by after the storm had been over; nobody had an idea. Not until the hands of time opened their eyes to the reality of Jack’s loss but not the chronicle of the whirlpool that drowned him.

He drifted away... Speechlessly.

Sleep tight little monster.

In time, Jack’s body will resurface again to touch the dry land he desired to serve as a consolation, and from here, he will remember the pure enjoyment, the peaceful and simple escape which that palm leaf once gave him. From the spot of land where Jack’s body will be found, he will have a clear and unobstructed view of that leaf. But with Jack’s broken limbs, with his broken heart, he knows that climbing that same leaf will be painful, difficult and may not offer the same emotions he felt before. When the time comes that he will have a chance, Jack doesn’t know if he should climb the same leaf again or simply let his disability and wounds to speak.

The wind was so strong that afternoon that when it made my eyes close, the box of fish pellets I was holding in my hand, fell unto the water. Damnnette.