Eat Well

Jogging yesterday at high street felt extraordinarily good, it just gave me that refreshing mood to turn things awesome. I really do not have a full idea how much I've ran, but I am betting at least 7 or 8 turns around high street until at around 715pm, the rain washed us runners away. I was running quite fast yesterday. Awesome, and the better part is though I was really thirsty, I just kept on running fast with a smile. LOL

After some great running, with a sore body, dinner was next in the list. Now, after I came back from Europe, I somehow lost that sense to have a craving for a particular food, or uhm... lost that drive to go resto hunting, one of my side time hobby during college. So I just thought, if the food is clean, well prepared and tasty... it is good already for me and I'm enjoying.

Somehow I didn't realize that I have been eating at this Chinese restaurant at the fort so many times recently... and it was only last night that I realized, geeze I really like this restaurant. Okay, so I won't say by words that Oh I like this restaurant, I would say that after I just uncontrollably get attracted to eat there.

Eat Well! Delicious Kitchen

Unit C, Ground Floor, Net Quad Building,

30th-31st St., Bonifacio Global City, Taguig

Every single time... Their awesome Pork & Shrimp Siomai for starters....

Next, their Yang Chow fried rice never fails to satisfy me, paired with really tasty Beef & Brocolli, and Bean Curd with Asparagus. For basics enough for two, I really really find these are awesome already, enough to satisfy the stomach and the heart.

Masachi Balls for desert.

And plus, I appreciate the manager helping the team of servers... and by the way he was serving us customer's last night, I can sense details of his workmanship that indeed he was working very very well.

And of course food that, in between my bites, will make me say Yes, this is good food, Goooooood. Mmm...

So among the restaurants here that I've eaten here in Manila, I'll name this place as not only my preferred Chinese restaurant, but my favorite restaurant to dine in Manila. Well, so far.

Great. Everything was great, and even if that rain seemed to have stopped the running, mmm....

Indeed, don't try this if you don't want to get addicted.

Speechless

Last night we were alone, I woke up the following day, turned on my computer beside my bed and wandered... Until I found myself looking for this song... and had it played over and over again... and went on to bed again and stared all morning at a blank wall.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

speechless. Silly that again, I woke up this morning with this in my mind.

I can’t believe what you said to me

Last night when we were alone

You threw your hands up

Baby you gave up, you gave up

I can’t believe how you looked at me

With your James Dean glossy eyes

In your tight jeans with your long hair

And your cigarette stained lies

Could we fix you if you broke?

And is your punch line just a joke?

I’ll never talk again

Oh boy you’ve left me speechless

You’ve left me speechless, so speechless

I can’t believe how you slurred at me

With your half wired broken jaw

You popped my heart seams

On my bubble dreams, bubble dreams

I can’t believe how you looked at me

With your Johnnie Walker eyes

He’s gonna get you and after he’s through

There’s gonna be no love left to rye

And I know that it’s complicated

But I’m a loser in love

So baby raise a glass to mend

All the broken hearts

Of all my wrecked up friends

I’ll never talk again

Oh boy you’ve left me speechless

You’ve left me speechless so speechless

I’ll never love again,

Oh friend you’ve left me speechless

You’ve left me speechless, so speechless

Hooow?

Haaaa-oooo-wow?

H-ooow?

Wow

Haaaa-oooo-wow?

H-ooow?

Wow

And after all the drinks and bars that we’ve been to

Would you give it all up?

Could I give it all up for you?

And after all the boys and girls that we’ve been through

Would you give it all up?

Could you give it all up?

If I promise to you boy

That I’ll never talk again

And I’ll never love again

I’ll never write a song

Won’t even sing along

I’ll never love again

So speechless

You left me speechless, so speechless

Why you so speechless, so speechless?

Will you ever talk again?

Oh boy, why you so speechless?

You’ve left me speechless

Some men may follow me

But you choose “death and company”

Why you so speechless? Oh oh oh

Too much temper

I have noticed and I am aware, that I am too masungit lately.

My sister even told me last night... that I am matalino, masipag, charismatic, ma... , ma..., ma... you're almost perfect pero masyado kang masungit.

Well, I said, yes I am and I know I am. And perfection is close to being dead.

Well, its a very silly response, so now I realize.

Being masungit is fine, I don't mind people being masungit. I mean, temper (among other emotions) are usual feelings we people have. Much like how I find happiness and joy useful to attracting people and making them feel welcome and appreciated, I also find the usefulness of temper to ward off people and make that idea not to step on my nerves.

Much like yesterday when the consul in the French embassy... When she was making me wait for more than three hours, I seated myself in front of her window... and stared at her for a full minute until she notices me and until I see her holding my papers and not other people's... the stare like I wanted to pull out her eyeballs and look at her hanggang magsara lahat ng butas sa katawan nya.

So you see, temper serves a purpose, of course the way of execution is critical and will of course require a generous serving of brain. But too much temper is something I'm rather not very feeling comfortable with.

Pretty much everything is fueled by the way the recent events in my life had been unfolding. Well yes, as far as my reflection goes, that's where I point the blaming arrow.

It is the subconscious thinking translating into conscious actions taking effect.

Usually, I just over eat, I find comfort from food when I just feel down. But then when I realized this, I managed to overcome this and the overeating died but now I realized... the problem did not. Now the problem just changed from over eating to being over masungit. Still the root problem, as pointed by the blaming arrow, still exists.

The solution would be to face the issue, solve the root problem.

I'm not planning to be the Mr. Too Friendly, but not also planning to be Mr. Too Much Temper.

I'm just trying to be a good boy, making the most to be aware of his actions and feelings, I take hold of my emotions and not the other way. This is the way we should be right?

1 - 20

Tips that I have received and learned for the past few months. Thing is, I keep on forgetting most of them and constantly, I need to be reminded.

I have been receiving coaching and guidance from a very incredible person and was dubbed once by my mom as "Super Woman". These are things I'm trying my best to learn by heart and keeping my mind and soul open as to allow these thought and ideas to consume me and allowing these to mold my personality. Well of course I turn these off once in a while, of course to loosen up and breathe as well... for that casual and laid back side of living. We all deserve to take a break and switch to that kooky-er person during some days...

Well, some of them I pick up somewhere else when I stop and stare...

Ohhh my rules... welcome to my self made pocketbook of rules... we'll not really rules, just some tips... Punishment awaits those who break rules, well these... hmm...

1. Think right, but think FAST.

2. When you meet somebody you don't know, you have to judge him/her in less than two minutes.

- look in the eyes of people and read what is there to read

3. You have to convince people that what you think is the best for them.

4. Be the DOMINANT among a group.

5. Never try to act like other people, you have to be the chief, and show that by intelligent remarks or acts.

6. Always learn learn learn work work work on any subject.

7. Always think positive & take the good in any situation.

8. Think of two good results, so if you don't get the first one, you will have the second, which maybe even better.

9. Don't lie. If somebody is asking you a question which you do not want to answer, just say that it's not their problem or anything else intelligent. So it will show people that you have some temper and they do not have to walk on your feet.

10. When you have something to do: Don't say I will do it later, just do it at the second, so you will be ready for something else right away.

11. Practice your memory all the time, and just think that its like a box, when its full, its full. Remove what you do not really need.

12. You have to surprise people all the time, by your intelligence, memory, anything, you always have to be the first one in any case.

13. There are no downsides in my life, for myself, I am surrounded by very creative and wonderful people, and no matter what you do in your life, don't you ever let anybody take your creative and wonderful people away from you. And what my creative and wonderful people tell me is this..

14. Only value the opinion of those that you respect,

and those anyone that you don't respect....

pay no mind to their opinion about you or anything else.

Hmm... Negotiable, consider entertaining the idea under certain exceptions

Two stories my mom tells me...

15. Once upon a time, Buddha was sitting under a tree, alone, meditating and simply having a peaceful time. And then, someone came over his tranquil place to intentionally bother him from... so this guy made moves to distract and anger Buddha from his solemn abode.

But Buddha did not react, not a single flinch... the guy who tried so hard, just became tired and angered by the way things came up...

So the guy asked Buddha why he didn't react at all, and he responded something like....

Imagine the intention and energy you are trying to give me as a gift or an object... If I had let myself accept that, I will be the one being angry.

But since I prefer to control what enters my life, I will chose to not accept this.... If I had accepted this bad energy, I will be the one being angry and you will be happy... But since I did not, I kept my tranquility and happiness, and you kept the negativity that you wanted to make feel.

The guy just became angry, Buddha went on peacefully.

16. So imagine you are in a group who is doing something bad just to get what they want, so that does mean you should join them along because you are alone?

No. It doesn't mean that everyone else is doing it, doesn't mean you should do it. Hayaan mo na lang lahat sila gawin yun, be bold enough to be different as long as you know what you are doing is correct and proper.

17. Don't look to the approval of others for your mental stability.

- Karl Lagerfeld's Twitter

True when I find my ideas and intellects blocked by imaginary or real opinions from people around me.. Its me, in the end, its what I want to do and think, etcetera...

Though my future boss has said to me a few things about Karl Lagerfeld, I see a bright side of him which I know I can look up to. Especially when my mom told me once...

18. Kelangan Joey, you know how to step back, see and learn how to separate the sin and the person,

para you can understand more...

19.

Brain

|

Heart

|

Stomach

|

Dick/Vagina

20. If circumstances allow other parties to identify points that disqualify you, response with a statement that addresses issues that had been identified and be the first to address other issues before the other party sees it. And finish this off with a statement that build your identity as someone of proper authority, someone who deserves to say what you just said.

Optimism

"I am very surprised by your refusal to grant a long-stay visa as requested employee to Mr. Angelo M. REYES, so that the case had been accepted in Paris, under the pretext that there is clearly a mismatch between the proposed use (commercial attache in raw materials for headgear) and training (Bachelor of Science) and Diploma in Hotel Management at Montreux in Switzerland.

In fact, his credentials are in any way because of his hiring in my company. This hiring follows the following facts, facts which were yet well presented in his case:
Mr. Reyes is the son of our main supplier of raw material for headgear: ELISA M. REYES. He is thus born and grew up around the family business, working there even a school vacation. Mrs. REYES and I speak English, but still encounter many problems of understanding. So I decided to hire his son to rule that the quality problems, and develops new products.

I have already fallen by one week my tour clients for next season, throughout France because his visa would be issued yesterday. I really want him to come with me to do with customers - very happy to know that he would accompany me - what was and what was wrong with them and see the new desired.
I remind you that the crisis is already at risk our business and we have therefore afford to suffer annoyance.

I am also President of the National Union of Manufacturers and Wholesalers Hat, flowers, feathers and accessories, and can tell you as such, I know the problems of the profession who were primarily to Chinese competition in finished hats. Mrs. Reyes gives me the exclusivity of its products and my clients - who are also my adherents - are delighted as the raw materials they sold me for the hat are not available in China."

"You know, I did the best I could for Angelo, but now I am not so optimist about him getting his visa.

Last Friday, I was reading the last letter I received from the authorities: His file was accepted but the last step was that the visa was given by the French Embassy in Manila. And we have so much unemployment here that they try not to have people coming from outside of the country.

Anyway I tried with sending my “pushy” letters to them and to the place in Nantes, but if this does not work, I am afraid that he will have to forget about the all story.

So, we never know, wait and see …. But on Tuesday if he does not have a good result, I am afraid that it will be dead. Only the Nantes place will decide.

Sorry about all of that, but as I told you, I tried all my best. And I feel very upset to deceive him."

Oh for the time being, when even one of the more influential and powerful person, not in Paris, but in France, the type who refuses Karl Lagerfeld and the like at her will, but will entertain Jean Paul Gaultier because of his kindness; will not succeed in helping me get that visa... then nothing else will. Or maybe Nicolas Sarkozy and that will cause an outrage. Well in fairness to her, clearly I know that she will want me to get my visa, and she has impressed me very well on how intense here tactics and ideas are to get me that visa.

Months and months of studying, preparing, time and effort, and this. Let's not be upset (Easy to say). But in the process I know I have learned a lot, not just French language but a huge aspect of living, and this is something I know I will look for on the brighter side of the events that passed by.

I'll let myself sob for a few moments over coffee, and move on to a back up plan immediately. I've used up much time already. Though I often feel that similar to New York, Paris battles to be the capital of the world, but the world is big when it comes to offering a wide array of choices, well this is what I've learnt when my Mom sent me away alone at a young age.

Who knows, a miracle is probably waiting to happen on Tuesday.

But then again, for the time being, I believe its better to let things go Mr Pessimistic's way... stay conservative, I mean. (ermm)

It'll produce more optimistic results at the end of the storm.

Drowning in Blue

Every once in a while in our house here in Bulacan, I drop by the garden to check the fishes and overfeed them. My sister tells me not to feed since she already feeds them and my mom also feeds them and now I feed them. I love them fishes. They get overfed so much that there are so many of them now healthy and big fishes. I don't really

know if all of these fishes are overfed, some of them seem to not like the fish food I give them; I guess there are those types of fishes which prefer a different kind of bait before they take a bite…

Okay awesome, this makes me realize that among the fishes in the oceans, there exists a niche of them which does not bite every bait that presents itself in front of their faces.

In a typical afternoon in the middle of my fish feeding program, I saw a flock of ants above a white speckled heart shaped green palm leaf over the water where the fishes are... and it was really cute, I must say! Ahuhh!

I see these ants working to build their community, minding their own business, each one working like a certain part of a machine automatically having knowledge of which role to play. The more and more one shall observe the idea behind their system, the more and more I remember why simple things are often that which are forgotten...

I don't know which phrase exactly but its something that involves simplicity, guts, determination, oh something, simple adjectives which I just cannot remember right now. Ants, great for some reason, I bet we humans will be extinct if they are not around,

Google tells me that we won’t exist without mosquitoes so I guess its pretty much the same idea with ants… so what do you think? But hey this is another story...

So again I continued to feed my fishes... It was really strange that on that 36.8ºC afternoon in Bulacan, a gusting wind suddenly passed by, which made me close my eyes from the dust it carried and trembled the leaves of the palm tree, rattling the community of ants. Perhaps the way that specific leaf responded when the wind trembled it, was a crucial cause as to why the shake was extraordinarily strong. With the strongest grip, every single ant on the palm leaf held on until one found himself with a last clear moment of glimpse of his folks as he now plunges towards into the drowning water below with the fishes...

Let's call this ant Jack.

Like a sheet of glass hitting water from high altitude, it sends Jack’s fragile body plunging well below unto the water, shocking him up to the most miniature corner of his limbs, and making him close his eyes and hope that he will resurface immediately…

As much as he could, Jack struggled to stay composed, acting as if he's on land, learning how to be afloat, learning how to swim though water was inward bound towards his lungs... He struggled to swim and attempted to budge closer unto a nearby floating bit of dried bamboo leaf a few inches away from him.

With his frailed body, Jack demonstrated resilience to maintain his guts and strength of mind to save himself from drowning... but the sharks from below are generating husky water currents that it propels Jack plummeting well below deep unto the water and strongly throwing him into a whirlpool of painful elements he would not want to be in. Clearly, the sharks are not making Jack’s already horrific situation… any better.

In a sudden series of events, Jack supposed that fate could be on his side when a blue and a yellow fish unexpectedly came rushing towards him…

Blue & Yellow Fishes : Hey, what are you doing here?

Jack: Out of nowhere, a strong wind came in and shook our highway and I suddenly fell here.

Blue & Yellow Fishes : Oh, you mean over above over up there? We see your folks... Oh.. You should scream for help! Scream scream as loud as you want so they can see you!

... Jack paused himself for
silence, still groping on for his life and said...

Jack : Well, what good would that
do?

Blue & Yellow Fishes : Well they can see you, for sure they can save you from this, they can do something we are sure!

Jack : They can't swim as well, they will just be putting their lives in danger. I don't want that to happen. They can't do anything about this as well… And look it still so windy…

… the Blue & Yellow Fishes gazes unto how the community above firmly gripped unto the corners and stomatal openings of a trembling heart shaped palm leaf. The world where Jack once set his foot on and wishes to set his foot on again…

Jack : Okay listen… I'm struggling to get out... Letting them see me like this, drowning, well what do you think will make them feel? Maybe you have a better idea... maybe you're the one who should be helping me since this is your element... by the way.. I'm Jack

Blue & Yellow Fishes : Oh okay... Help? We don't know anything about helping... oh we need to go now by the way we are the Bad Idea Fishes... Bub-bye!

With every second mixed with critical efforts, Jack found it trickier to breath as he held on to his life, with a deteriorating desire to set foot on the same world he once stood on, but with a stronger desperation for grasping the consolation of resurfacing on dry land…

With his last moments of being aware, spinning through a series of strong currents, Jack cried and unreserved his last thoughts...

“It’s not romantic here swimming in my own tears… lonely and alone, I just want to get out if here, God… why make this so difficult and what is up with the feeling… how do I solve this? Is there an adjective that I forgot? What am I supposed to feel to translate everything into a smile? Though drowning in blue, I do know that I need to stay strong, really strong, strong enough… Fine… so if these were to be my last moments here in this place, I will just imagine the memories that will convert this into a
grin… oh, that’s not a cool idea, it will just drown me more... it puts more water to my body through my mouth… ohhh... What... what did I do wrong…”

And dazed as he was on how the events took place... Jack eventually lost consciousness and rapidly drifted away unto the murky waters where not even his slightest silhouette can be seen by his folks.

Back in Jack’s town, his folks had no clue as to what had happened to him, nobody noticed even in the weeks that passed by after the storm had been over; nobody had an idea. Not until the hands of time opened their eyes to the reality of Jack’s loss but not the chronicle of the whirlpool that drowned him.

He drifted away... Speechlessly.

Sleep tight little monster.

In time, Jack’s body will resurface again to touch the dry land he desired to serve as a consolation, and from here, he will remember the pure enjoyment, the peaceful and simple escape which that palm leaf once gave him. From the spot of land where Jack’s body will be found, he will have a clear and unobstructed view of that leaf. But with Jack’s broken limbs, with his broken heart, he knows that climbing that same leaf will be painful, difficult and may not offer the same emotions he felt before. When the time comes that he will have a chance, Jack doesn’t know if he should climb the same leaf again or simply let his disability and wounds to speak.

The wind was so strong that afternoon that when it made my eyes close, the box of fish pellets I was holding in my hand, fell unto the water. Damnnette.

Reject's Digest

I’m having quite a moody day, fueled by yesterday’s explosive news. It’s just that today that I start to pick up the pieces of debris which scattered all over.

Yesterday, immediate actions were done to address the issue, killing all emotions and just doing all that can be done given the short amount of weekday left.

Today, waking up... I’ve let myself get over me and I’m allowing myself to just… oh. breathe. It’s a weekend.

“I’m sorry but unfortunately your visa has been denied, this decision has come from France and they sent this letter… please sign here…………”

“What?...”

My hands takes a good hold of that paper. Reads it. Still standing strong on my feet.

“Came from France? So can I please have a copy of this letter please”

“Okay, but please sign it first, here is a pen”

“Sign… where?”

- me being obviously destabilized, played a game with the consul…

“Here..?

“No… down..”

“Here..?”

“No…”

“eh.. Here..”

“Yes”

I can’t remember anything else but thanking the consul… and I was told that the decision came from France, I did not see that arguing with the consul will be a smart move.

She was pretty. Reminds me of a hybrid of a young Anjannette Abayari and Claudine Barretto but looked like a 23 year old, with a posh bob and a soft silhouette pencil skirt fitted with a strong thick belt, I always see her in the embassy and she is very pretty.

I sat down for a few moments, recomposing myself, putting back my documents in my back. And I escaped that room, but not the reality which will not succeed without a battle.

Security guard asks me by the elevator…

“Seaman po ba kayo sir... ok na po ba?”

“Hindi ako seaman, no it’s not okay”

I regret for not having made a deadly 2 second dark child signature Michael Jackson move after this response.

Immediately I coordinated with mom and sister to coordinate with my boss in France about what had happened. Within the first hour, my boss was informed and I find comfort from a McDonald’s Quarter pounder burger + Big fries I had for lunch. Knowing that I know my weakness is hunger, I need to address this before continuing the day and at least find comfort in the process.

And one more thing, I think it was a great idea that I put on my black jeans and black leather shoes this day with my usual uniform. There was something with this that just allowed me to stand more firmly, feel stronger. I was working it, translating the art of being destabilized with every stomp of my feet, and all cars and everyone else just seemed to give way.

Within the next hour, I have presented to my boss the document the embassy gave me.

Here it is stated that my education composing of a Bachelor’s Degree in DLSU and a Post-Graduate Degree in Switzerland is inadequate for the applied employment in France related to fabrics, accessories and hats; and I have two months to challenge the decision.

Before the day ended, my boss has sent documents to Nantes, France and Embassy here in Manila. Documents that defy whatever the decision is… plus more, documents that impressed me when I had read it, documents that made me comfortable that there is hope, great hope and giving up is not the way things should go.

And we wait and see. Those documents just wowed me the moment I read it, it was well rounded, cohesive, and covers more than what the question demanded for… now this gives me ideas on how to play circumstances now…

If circumstances allow other parties to identify perspectives that disqualify you, counter squabble with a statement that addresses issues that had been identified and be the first to address other issues before the other party sees it. And finish this off with a statement that crafts your identity (brand) as someone of proper authority.

Again, among others:

Emotions offer very little help to get professional and serious jobs done.

Do everything that can be done. Giving up is only for the dead, or for the lazy, or for the one who does not really want it, or maybe for the smart one… LOL

I will be in France to see my boss, to see the clients, to watch Roland Garross on May 26! OMG

In the middle of yesterday... I joked to myself…”Oh you people in the embassy… Why even try to deny this? You know you can’t. Okay, today you win. Thank you for approving my visa, though it will be denied only for today.”… I’ll take this as a blessing now since airline flights are still congested.

GEE. Just when my bags are packed, apartment is ready, money, everything else is ready, well not plane ticket, but this will be easy… and this.. DOUBLE GEE. GEE GEE. ohh optimism.

In the middle of the day today, I did start toying some ideas in my mind though I know they’re a bit stupid or smart, ideas that will be useful if indeed this visa fails.

Well, the first thing I will do is Accepter.

Then… I don’t know yet since I have a lot of choices.

Okay, this means that the second thing to do is Choisir.

Wrappers

I did not realize how frustrated I woke up this morning...

The effects of resilience.

When the world turns right and someone like me chooses to turn to what I think is right.

It's just 819am, and clearly I ate so much snickers already that the kitchen bin is half full of snickers wrappers. I don't know how much of them I gobbled already.

Gee.

... breathe

Just say the word... and I shall be leaving

I don't know really when I will leave, but for all I know, I may be leaving in a few hours and right now I still do not know.

Boss told me a while ago..

So, try to come as soon as possible. If you get your visa on Friday, maybe you have to go on Saturday and arrive on Sunday morning. So we could do everything on Monday ….

Things are getting really intense, exciting.

To be continued

The Quiapo Experience Part 1

I am in my new favorite hang out place in Bulacan, a secluded yellow cab where a boy is always found there with his computer, enjoying 473 ml of Ice Cold Lemon Flavored Sola Iced Tea after jogging in the afternoon.

I accomplished a few stuff today. My brain is still on the process of digesting things that had happened today and upto know, while I’m typing inside a yellow cab, I am still processing.

Oh what a great dream I had the other day, I woke up as a hero for somehow putting the closing the collar of a wardrobe malfunction of a groom… There we were, on a floating garden wedding above the four awesome towers of Sagrada Familia in Barcelona… Everyone else was in panic of how the wedding was on the brink of being called off since the groom was missing...

As I closed the collar of the groom’s pina Barong, the garden doors opened revealing the groom, and the wedding happened meters above, floating in Barcelona, a genuine dream wedding. And when the groom kissed the bride, a gustling wind sent everyone flying, even separating the groom and bride, as well as separating me from my sleep.

Oh and today, great news, I have now a Philippine International Driver’s License... My boss ordered me to have a license that will allow me to drive in France. Holala, I’m rather excited, the last time we were together, she mentioned she wanted to dispose already of her 2007 CLS Mercedes Benz and opt for a Maserati. Geeze, I don’t mind being her driver!

After my quest for a driver’s license, I dropped by Quiapo.

My brain right now is above mental capacity unto how to handle the happenings in Quiapo today but here it goes.

So I walked along from Doroteo Jose upto Carriedo, walked and walked and walked…

I found everything amazing, its not often that I drop by this place, I found another world and it was a beautiful world I saw down there.

It was just great to see how people organized themselves, the means they would resort to, just to make a living.

Basahan, Antenna, DVDs, Housewares, Clothes, Tsinelas, Cellphones, Shoes, Cookware, Kaldero, Nail Polish, Live shows, Fruits, Duyan, Kulambo, etcetera…

And I know that if I want to see culture of a country, the best place to see it is in the market… and this is exactly what it was.

It was culture. Philippine Culture, an angle of it.

Among the accomplishments that I had in mind when I visited Quiapo today was to visit the church. Finally, it is my first time.

Damn. I love architectures lately. And I saw more than architecture today in that church, I saw Life and questions popped in my head like really a lot of questions…

As I sat down in that long wooden church seat (I forgot the name)… I wondered…

“How many thousands of people have actually sat in this seat where my butt rests now?...

“How many millions of people have actually been in this place…?”

Did their wishes come true?, and many more…

Among questions in my head are thoughts when I saw life of other people sans words, sans conversation, just seeing them together with me in that majestic church.

I saw people walking on their knees in the isle towards the altar, people crying and seems to be praying desperately for their wishes to come true. I wonder why that child who was alone, who was seated a few chairs in front of me was crying.

I think not everyone was just praying for money or win the lotto. I wondered who among there were praying for someone to recover from a disease or praying that someone will remain alive… praying for their kids to finish school or something… or something else I don’t know, prayers there could be as diverse as life is and it just makes me think how lousy some of my prayers or rants are sometimes. The air felt exceptionally thick as I entered this church.

If I were to judge the idea by the way people’s face, the way hands were tightly closed together that moment, the kneels, walking by knees, the low pitched prayers, the stare at the altar with tears about to fall down…

The idea moved me, so much that I just had to pray that I prayed that afternoon to God to help these people, grant their wishes, make their lives easier, ease them from the discomfort that translated through their prayers, tears, gestures, their sacrifices or devotions.

So I took at look at myself… it’s a shame that I seem to throw myself into a level of desperation similar to those I witnessed, so I say, what a weakling I can be sometimes, and ask if its sometimes it is really necessary to fuss much about something. When geeze… I should have realized how silly some of these actually are.

I’m too tired to continue writing now… I’ll talk later about my confession which made me kneel for more than thirty minutes. And it was only on the 10^th minute that I had the idea of turning on Record.

My mind is now handling thoughts in a more manageable proportions.

À la prochaine!

Palm 10

You know what, I really like to sing out loud like a happy man gone nuts especially when the yellow stick of the car goes beyond that 100km/h mark... And I get a big grin simply comes up when I hear the car warning with beeps that it is over 120km/h.

Crazy, and dangerous but I know exactly that I feel that I care about it still.

Cruising at 70, even if I was just the passenger, aside from the usual concert I love to perform which I wast not able to do, of course...

I counted hands and declared a 1d array with number of stacks yet to be determined depending on the necessity... trying to remember my Java programming which I think now would cause a stack overflow sans doute.

and the entirety of the array has been composed of the following, having hands as values :

typedef char string40[41];

typedef

{

string40 aHand;

} struct aHandT........;

aHand [1] : The hand that appreciated

aHand [2] : The hand that offered safety, comfort and refuge

aHand [3] : The hand that offered a great company

aHand [4] : The hand that gives a hand

aHand [5] : The hand that metamorphosed

aHand [6] : The hand that persevered

aHand [7] : The hand that makes me listen

aHand [8] : The hand that accommodates

aHand [9] : The hand that has showed great passion to learn

aHand [10] : The hand that showed humility

aHand [...] : ...........

Among the 10 items inside the imaginary stack I toyed in my head, I realized...

as much as I imagined, as much as I wished, as much as I didn't apply any effort to make things seem natural; none of these drove me...

as much as I tried to imagine, as much as I tried to wish, as much as I didn't apply any effort so that things would seem natural; none of these actually made me care...

And I know when I know when I feel like I care, feel driven.

Makes me look at myself like an ant who fell in a pond of fishes...

No two pairs of hands are the same, same to those that comes in 10s. diba ?