Unloading

Gee. I’m tired

From the aloneliness….

When will I finally finish my papers ba??

When will I go?

I’m now 6lbs heavier than what I want to be. I used to be 170 some 3 weeks ago. Stress? Loneliness? Petiks?

I lost my phone today. I wished I could’ve saved the messages. Hayaan ko nang manakaw pero the messages. And my half naked photos… dapat nabura ko. Anyway if someday kakalat yun , I’ll face the music. I’ll be like… yeah that’s me! Haha.

I want something to make me laugh…

I want someone/some people out there to cheer me up…

Yeah of course don’t take life so seriously and lighten up. But I can’t help it. 

When was the last time I shared a meal with someone else?

Gee. Mom let me cool off and stay away from my space when I tell!!

I miss being with friends.

But I’m so busy so occupied with this god damn motherfucking time consuming useless papers redtape and inefficiency of Philippine government no wonder mabagal ang pagasenso ng bansa.

My bff told me about something… now I am bothered by it again. It made me lose the optimism… so I’ll be single til when? What are the odds…

WOW naman. This dating show on tv just said… secrets can be a good or bad thing… it can destroy the relationship or make it stronger by the trust it builds. Basta ganun ganun… else… surely you wouldn’t want your partner to know your secret from someone else.. that would make him very upset… but if you tell them before anything else… it could build a trust and make the relationship stronger… hay… okay… don’t tell me I didn’t know this. Effers.

I want to gain back optimism.

Bulacan -> Ortigas -> Cubao -> Ortigas for hours -> Makati -> Fort -> Bulacan

Tomorrow I’m going to have a driver to drive me wherever I want to be in… I have had enough.

I threw away my ego already! What else!?

And after all these byahe today… nagawa ko pang mag gym. It was a bad workout with no program and just angry lifting. But it made me release my aggression… my tension… yeah that fine kind of tension at 10pm at the gym on a dark corner.

I was irritated when after the way the day had unfolded… McDonalds was the restaurant of choice of my mom at the Fort. I decided to just remain hungry.

I was in a rage… a lost phone made that spark on an already building pressure tank of gasul. Ehhh tingin ko kase aalis na ko eh so I said to myself to just suck up all them insects and this will be the last roar.

When mom told me maswerte ako phone lang ang nawala eh ngayun meron na ang dali palitan…buti nga hindi nawala ang passport or nasaksak ka… well true. Ako naman deep inside I wished I was nasaksak or something bloody.

I’m silently and subconsciously screaming for attention.

I want someone to talk to? Where are all my friends? Everyone else had a new network of their own… and me… floating out there… yeah right… “Kids, men, marriage… we’re soulmates!”… I wish they happen in real life.

I know life is playing a trick on me lately. Ako naman loser… nagpapatalo.

Take me away… but sit beside me…