Finding a reason to be here

My mom always asks me how I am doing here and always, I don’t tell her I am doing here. Today me and a friend had a talk and after the talk I realized and remembered why I chose to be here and that is because it is what I needed to do and not exactly what I wanted to. Being here would be good for my future and for me. Well that was what I thought of back then.

But being here in Paris brings me actually sadness. I’ve been ranting about this for months now, sometimes the issue goes off but well it comes back everyonce in a while. Why? I actually felt really happy back home in Manila – and the fact that up to now I am so attached to Manila and all the people I love and in turn also makes me feel loved. Which is not the case here.

I do have friends here now. But I don’t know… must I be constantly and continually accompanied like a baby so I don’t bicker and cry like one?

I’ve been also praying and playing in my mind that someday I will find love here, and still today I hope I stumble upon that luck soon.

It’s an idea which may seem like a panakip butas to the problem but I’d think it may actually be also the solution.

Peace. Exactly what I feel when I’m with Frederic. Exactly what I feel everytime I with people I like.

The feeling of just being contented much with the moment and just being really at peace.

Too bad he’s taken. Drats… that stings.

So still I’m on the search for the thing that will attach me to this city.