Thanks

Gee... Lord.... thank you... I'm just really overwhelmed. I don't know where to start. The small spoons? The tv? Can I just say thank you for everything.

Possibilities

Since life is not always about all work and all fun... A quick note to myself of things I can do here in Paris later when I'm more stable

1. Look for opportunities... Money making opportunities? friends... networking

2. Bikram yoga

3. Join the gym

4. Running 10km runs

5. Visit museums...?

6........

How much will you pay to see me in Paris?

I'm just toying in my head how much will it take for someone back home will spend to pay me a visit here in Paris...

Airfare: I'll say 1000$ = PhP 45,000

Schengen Visa: PhP3,600

Hotel / Accomodation (hey even for 2 weeks or more if they want): Free

Airport Shuttle Bus roundtrip already: (18.20 Euros) PhP 1,050

Entrance to attractions & museums: (90euros?) PhP5000?

Dining Out... this is a tricky. Ill say 180-200 euros is more than enough for a week. And we can always dine at my apartment. this saves a lot of money so I'll put PhP10,000

Transportation: (30 euros?) : PhP2,000

Miscellaneous (50 euros?): PhP3,000

So approx PhP70,000. My mom can do this in just 50k. She just sits in a bench on a Park... bring a big baguette and some cheese... and she's really happy already.

Gee... This sounds nice for a basic free & easy trip to Paris. And normally I spend very basic and simple when I travel.

Travelling doesn't have to really cost a gazillion amount of money. Some people spend so much while travelling, spend a lot and then complain that travelling costs so much. Silly. But then I believe that are always loop holes in the process that gives us convenience. Like a friend who lives in Paris.

Then again people tend to go to other European countries for a grand eurotrip when get the chance to go here... erm... that costs and not part of my calculation. Again this is "How much will you pay to see me in Paris?"

Gee... I do hope friends and families visit me soon.

Prayer

Okay… I was overwhelmed about how the past 48 hours have been… I’ll take the hour off by untangling a mess I’m feeling inside my head.

So I though I’m leaving Manila with an 830pm flight via Thai Airways… surprise! it was moved to 10pm. So this was the Buena mano stress thing for me. I was transferred to a 730pm flight via Philippine Airlines which meant that we were taken via a old Japanese bus to the PAL NAIA terminal which just made me carry all my luggage by myself and through that really mataas na bus. I was tired already.

And things went on smoothly (though I was in a hurry) and I got on my 1205am flight in Bangkok to Paris where I was seated at seat A59. Surprise! My seat is broken… when I lie on my back the chair just reclines itself even if I didn’t push any buttons. So at dinner time, I lied on my back and this French lady behind me told me…

“No! No! No!”… and I gave myself defense that it is not me… it’s the chair. She didn’t listen and gave me a bad face… well I spoke in English. So I called up a flight attendant and I wanted to be transferred to another seat because of the seat I have… but before that the friends of the lady started making explanations and all. Well… “ce n’ètait pas moi, c’est la chaise, vous voyez... il y a une problème avec la chaise, si je me reste le dos sur la chaise, automatiquement, la chaise se recliner.” (its not me, its the chair, you see, when I rest my back on the chair.. it automatically reclines.) So I gave my press release in French and they just finally toned down. Surprise!!! I can speak French.

Beuhhh.. enough of that.. at least I got myself transferred to a better seat. Exit row seats.. these cost an extra 50euro a pop! Sweet. Yeah, as they say, there are great opportunities in times of crisis. I think I could have transferred to the first class seats. Damn. I ran out of gas… ok I’ll fill up more gas next time.

Throughout my flight… I can’t help but feel oh so nostalgic. Memories of the past few weeks just played itself inside my head. Again I hate this that I appreciate things more when they are gone. And I’ll regret that damn… I wish I could have done more. I wish we could have talked more together. I wish I wish. And yeah now, I do realize there are so so much things I loved and will miss back home. Especially the people whom I have been with and enjoyed so much moments. The group of people who touched my life, the one who touched my heart.

And I finally arrived in Charles de Gaulle Aeroport at around 640am, out of the airport by 730… Took the bus going to Paris at 745am… got to Paris by 845am… In the hotel by 930am.

Sat down for an hour as I was just lost and excited to be connected to the internet after having been disconnected for a little less than a day! Haha.

So what else happened uhm…

I finally met my boss at exactly 12 noon, but before that I got lost since I forgot already the streets! Haha.

And she showed me my desk… once more… the office. The warehouse of more than 8000 articles for making hats and other fashion accessories that is H.A. Schmid.

Lunch was something… I oughta get used to this. A salade ceasar au poulet (chicken ceasar salad) then a steak with fries for main course, and tiramisu for desert… + coffee. I was full.

And I opened a bank account. Took me 1000 signatures. Yeah in france.. everything is just more complicated. Vachement compliqué. As my boss tells it.

And I signed up for internet at Orange.. gee! July 10 pa ang connect! LOL dito ako na errr…

While me and my boss was talking and walking along the streets from the bank…

I asked her... that I wanted to deposit the money here in my pocket. Well she told me to go to the bank and the place where she showed me… “but you’ll probably spend it anyway”… and so here I find myself clashed between two worlds where I’m now focusing to find that balance.

I couldn’t remember quite all the words said… but the idea is… my mom is someone who saves money, for the future, economical, practical.

My boss… lives for the moment, get what you want.

And after that day we went to Mercedez Benz garage to get her car.

Gee… I need to find friends.

And I died from the tiring day that I had. At the beginning my French was okay, then nung gabi na… from the fatigue and all. Kung anu anu na ata ang sinasabi ko. haha

My Prayer.

Oh Lord Jesus… There is quite some handful of thoughts playing inside my head…

I remember my tita armi told us this before… “Ang mga tao dasal ng dasal na humihingi ng bahay, pera, manalo sa lotto etcetera… pero lahat yan ay binigay na ng Diyos, dapat ang dinadasal ng tao ngayon ay kung papano nila makukuha yung gusto nila… kung anu ang dapat nila gawin para makuha yoon.”

And so that will be my prayer. I do wish that I will be able to keep the right balance where I can respect my current identity, my past and my now. That I wish I will remember always the people, lessons, objects that had contributed to what I am right now.

And I just want to think that one reason kung bakit binigay sa akin itong opportunity na ito is because I can be someone who can handle the balancing act. I’m going to try to be the best Gemini that I am, a personality that fits well with the French, and still keeping that me towards my other beliefs.

What I am is from what I have been throughout the life before this, taking that away is like taking away my foundation, doing this is like not a good idea.

I do hope I will always be smart and find humility in mistakes that I will commit. And this shall be something to will make me better and something not to tip me off my focus.

I pray that I will be strong, and will be able to find peace inside myself.

I wish that You will help me more and more intelligent. Become a better person. And have that skill that easily sweeps off stress.

I wish you will never get tired of taking care and blessing my country. For no matter how much of a circus show it can be, it is what it is. And do always remember especially my family, relatives, the people who have touched my life, and the one that has touched my heart.

When I feel weak and in crisis, I wish You will teach me directions towards that opportunity of finding the awesome from the unpleasant.

And oh… help us to find peace. Patience, help me learn patience. Stable personality. Firm identity. Happiness always. Positive thinking. Choosing the best among the choices. Intelligence. It’s all in the mind.

Please do help me know where I can find angels that will be good for me that will be my friends here in Paris. I hope they pass by my way soon.

Thank you for this great opportunity. This will be a part of a great chapter of my book.

Sweet Tweet

You have a special place in my heart. Now, maybe we choose to be friends. Thank you too. Loving you has been such an awesome pleasure.

Unloading

Gee. I’m tired

From the aloneliness….

When will I finally finish my papers ba??

When will I go?

I’m now 6lbs heavier than what I want to be. I used to be 170 some 3 weeks ago. Stress? Loneliness? Petiks?

I lost my phone today. I wished I could’ve saved the messages. Hayaan ko nang manakaw pero the messages. And my half naked photos… dapat nabura ko. Anyway if someday kakalat yun , I’ll face the music. I’ll be like… yeah that’s me! Haha.

I want something to make me laugh…

I want someone/some people out there to cheer me up…

Yeah of course don’t take life so seriously and lighten up. But I can’t help it. 

When was the last time I shared a meal with someone else?

Gee. Mom let me cool off and stay away from my space when I tell!!

I miss being with friends.

But I’m so busy so occupied with this god damn motherfucking time consuming useless papers redtape and inefficiency of Philippine government no wonder mabagal ang pagasenso ng bansa.

My bff told me about something… now I am bothered by it again. It made me lose the optimism… so I’ll be single til when? What are the odds…

WOW naman. This dating show on tv just said… secrets can be a good or bad thing… it can destroy the relationship or make it stronger by the trust it builds. Basta ganun ganun… else… surely you wouldn’t want your partner to know your secret from someone else.. that would make him very upset… but if you tell them before anything else… it could build a trust and make the relationship stronger… hay… okay… don’t tell me I didn’t know this. Effers.

I want to gain back optimism.

Bulacan -> Ortigas -> Cubao -> Ortigas for hours -> Makati -> Fort -> Bulacan

Tomorrow I’m going to have a driver to drive me wherever I want to be in… I have had enough.

I threw away my ego already! What else!?

And after all these byahe today… nagawa ko pang mag gym. It was a bad workout with no program and just angry lifting. But it made me release my aggression… my tension… yeah that fine kind of tension at 10pm at the gym on a dark corner.

I was irritated when after the way the day had unfolded… McDonalds was the restaurant of choice of my mom at the Fort. I decided to just remain hungry.

I was in a rage… a lost phone made that spark on an already building pressure tank of gasul. Ehhh tingin ko kase aalis na ko eh so I said to myself to just suck up all them insects and this will be the last roar.

When mom told me maswerte ako phone lang ang nawala eh ngayun meron na ang dali palitan…buti nga hindi nawala ang passport or nasaksak ka… well true. Ako naman deep inside I wished I was nasaksak or something bloody.

I’m silently and subconsciously screaming for attention.

I want someone to talk to? Where are all my friends? Everyone else had a new network of their own… and me… floating out there… yeah right… “Kids, men, marriage… we’re soulmates!”… I wish they happen in real life.

I know life is playing a trick on me lately. Ako naman loser… nagpapatalo.

Take me away… but sit beside me…

20 Hours

From the pouring rain this afternoon which actually made me think na babaha na sa amin...

and now... 1257am. With the sky so clear I can actually see stars.

From the anxiety of all the rush, stress, logistics, smuggling...

and I appreciated the happy thought of you appearing in my mind when I was going through it all.

It was not strange... it was real, I found myself relaxed whenever I recall.

If only I can hold your hand once again, see that smile of yours which stops my world,

have you beside me, and hush... that feeling of everything is fine. everything is alright.

Then... I would just have that most perfect thought, the best gift I can take away with me.

and I even got to midnight exercise for 15 minutes awhile ago to sweat a bit... something to improve the current condition of my hair maybe.

finally I can sleep. From waking up at 5am.

Gee. What a night.

OR

or these could just be a bunch of produce out of the pool of stress I am swimming in lately that I'm doing some effort to keep aside.

A storm of financial, family, friends, social, emotional stress in my head that I try to wipe off like that screeching windshield wiper and just continue driving.

Parapara pa pa pa paaaaaa.......

Die it

+5 lbs heavier

brittle hair

grainy skin

slow metabolism

Gee. I certainly need to eat more healthy and be smarter with my choices lately.

I actually had to use a conditioner today on my hair to make it feel right... Beuhhh.

And enough of the slipping out.

Less fastfood. Less starbucks grande dark mocha. Less chocolates and peanut brittle. (roar)

More fruits. Veggies.

Smarter carbs.

Smarter choices.

For a healthier, stronger, younger, better maintained, happier me.

Necks

Yeah, I often wondered what I would have been seeing in the mirror if I tilt my head way up...

Cous. Fabien Breuvart